Stop Putting Other People First: Serving from an Empty Vessel

"Stop putting other people first!" Kammi said in a recent TikTok. Kammi is the founder of Whole-Self Wellness, a certified life coach, and a mom.

She continued, "When you try and serve people from a place where you're depleted, you're actually not giving the people you love what they need and they deserve, because you are spread way too thin."

Watch the full clip:

Is It Selfish to Stop Putting Other People First?

No.

Every circumstance is unique. However, this message specifically caters to people who serve others at the cost of their own health.

Service is wonderful, but attempting it when you're in a deficit crosses the line into oversacrificing. Your needs matter too.

Self-Reflection Questions

If you're unsure if this applies to you, or you're interested in exploring the topic further, here are some self-reflection questions to ponder.

Don't feel pressured to answer every question. Additionally, you may find it beneficial to record any insights in a journal.

• Personal Needs and Boundaries:

  • Do I often say "yes" to requests even when I want to say "no"?

  • When was the last time I prioritized my own needs over someone else’s? How did it feel?

  • Do I feel guilty or selfish when I take time for myself? Why?

  • Am I clear about my own needs and desires, or do I mostly focus on what others need?

  • Have I set boundaries with others? If not, what stops me?

• Emotional and Physical Impact:

  • Do I feel drained, resentful, or burnt out from constantly helping others?

  • Are there physical signs (e.g., exhaustion, stress) that I’m overextending myself?

  • How often do I feel appreciated for my efforts, and does the lack of appreciation affect me?

  • Do I neglect my own health, hobbies, or goals to accommodate others?

• Relationships and Patterns:

  • Do I attract people who expect me to always put their needs first?

  • Are my relationships reciprocal, or am I usually the one giving more?

  • Looking back, have I repeatedly sacrificed my goals or happiness for others? What were the outcomes?

  • Do I fear conflict or rejection if I don’t meet others’ expectations?

• Self-Worth and Motivation:

  • Do I tie my self-worth to how much I do for others?

  • Why do I feel compelled to prioritize others’ needs? Is it habit, fear, or something else?

  • How would my life change if I started valuing my needs as much as others’?

  • What’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do for myself but haven’t because of others’ demands?

    
    

Serving From An Empty Vessel

Kammi's TikTok mirrors a quote by Eleanor Brownn.

Transcript: “Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel.” Eleanor Brownn

If service is one of your core values, it doesn't make sense that you would refuse to serve yourself. Your self-care and rest matter tremendously because you matter.

Related Post: 5-Step Self-Care Guide, from a Certified Life Coach

As an alternative approach, how can you expect to help others productively if self-neglect has left you unable to function?

Here are some future-focused questions to round out your reflection.

• Future Focus:

  • What would it look like to prioritize my own needs in a healthy way?

  • How can I practice saying "no" without feeling guilty?

  • What small step can I take today to put myself first without harming my relationships?

  • Who in my life supports me in prioritizing my own needs, and how can I lean on them?

You're not alone. If you're struggling to prioritize yourself in your own life, come talk to us. It's possible to strike a balance between our needs and the needs of others and learn how to say "No" with love.